Best decision of my life!

Yes, it was and always will be the best decision of my life- That we had Ellison, our adoptive daughter first. A calculated move- and a good one. The desire to be a parent weighed first and foremost on my mind. If my future was so uncertain with In Vitro Fertilization and procedures like I.U.I., I knew that I wanted to already have a child in place- I knew that for me mentally- any failure of I.V.F. could always be overcome with the sheer joy of having a child already. Because I knew, that no matter what, I would always be able to count my blessings. And for sure- first and foremost I am able to smile because I am the proud parent of a chosen child of my heart- who consumes my being - as to ,the incredible joy I feel being her mom. When going through such difficult times as being an infertile couple- you feel many things- one of them said best- by someone else on another post- "you feel defective".

You grow up thinking - first comes love, and then comes marriage- and then comes the baby carriage. When some part of that equation all goes up in smoke- you are left with the pieces - trying to put the puzzle back together again. It is no easy journey- what makes it more painful is watching my sisters, and friends, and Sister-in-laws all have successful pregnancy's one right after the other. That is a lot of showers, and reminders. Then time ticks..... The truth is, that, at no time have I ever wished them ,or felt anything for them, but a desire for their lives to be happy. I just feel sometimes- like a person on the sidelines that wants to play the game. Having Ellison has made me a mommy- and mothers day a few days ago- was superb! Thank God - I have the privilege of being a mom! Having her- has taken me off the sidelines. She has made my life so full. I so want our home to include another child and that is why we have followed up with - now our second- In Vitro procedure. I leave for India in 3 weeks. I can't believe time is ticking so fast. Then... and now....